


but still i can't find ways to let you go

by ClaraxBarton, kimannhart



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (but they're both underage and there's consent), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School Reunion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Cheating, Flashbacks, Forgiveness, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Post-Break Up, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Sharon Carter, Sam and Rhodey have all the logical brain cells, WinterIron Reverse Bang, WinterIron Reverse Bang 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 00:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaraxBarton/pseuds/ClaraxBarton, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimannhart/pseuds/kimannhart
Summary: It's been ten years since James and Tony have last seen or spoken to each other, but with their high school reunion coming up (and not to mention meddling friends) can these two ex-lovers put their past behind them and start fresh?





	but still i can't find ways to let you go

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the 2019 WinterIron Reverse Big Bang! 
> 
> Story was written by me, kimannhart. The beautiful art was done by the lovely, [ClaraxBarton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaraxBarton).

Tony was five years old when he first met James. 

The two of them were neighbors, simply enough. The moment that Tony’s eyes landed on James playing with his Power Rangers in the front yard of his house, Tony was immediately gravitated towards the other boy. Tony had shyly walked over to James and had asked if he could play with him. Tony had thought that James would say no when he saw the grumpy look on James’s face—which later Tony learned in life that James just had resting murder face—but was pleasantly surprised when James had said yes. 

_ “Hi,” Tony started out hesitantly, “Can I play with you?” He looked down to his shoes and started to fiddle with his hands. _

_ James had frozen the moment that Tony had approached him. His eyes narrowed at the other boy once the question slipped from his lips. James’s eyes gazed over to his Power Rangers action figures, then back to the boy, then back to the Power Rangers. It only took about three or four seconds before a wide grin appeared on James’s face. _

_ “Uh huh!” James nodded as he handed his Mighty Morphin’ Red Power Ranger to the boy. “ ‘m James.” He pointed to his chest. “Wha’s your name?” _

_ “Hi, James. I’m Tony!” Tony excitedly replied as he sat himself down across from James. _

From that point on, the two were inseparable. You could never find one without the other. They were so close that when they learned they were in separate classes for first grade in elementary school, James had thrown a full on temper tantrum saying how much he needed to be with his Tony. After that, the school administration had always made sure that James and Tony were always in the same class to prevent another James Barnes tantrum. Though, once middle and high school came around, the two learned how to separate themselves if they didn’t share any classes together. 

James and Tony were seen together so often, that many people just assumed that they were a couple. But in actuality, they weren’t,—much to their families and friends’s dismay—they were just best friends, a fact that always seemed to surprise people.

_ “Wait, so you’re telling me that those two aren’t together?” Sharon’s classmate, Jane, asked in disbelief as they pointed to James and Tony. _

_ Sharon nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” she said as she gazed over to her cousin and friend who were sitting at a table in the corner of the cafeteria alone. _

_ “But they,” she started as they watched James wrap an arm around Tony’s shoulders to pull Tony’s body closer to his, give him a kiss on the temple, and practically shoved the rest of his sandwich into Tony’s hands, “act so much like one.” _

_ Sharon sighed exasperatedly as she removed the saran wrap from her sandwich, and crumbled it up into a ball. “It’s such a shame that they won’t pull their heads out of their asses long enough to realize just how amazing they would be as a couple.” _

_ Jane patted Sharon on the shoulder while Natasha rolled her eyes at the mention of her cousin and Tony. Natasha eyed the plastic ball that Sharon had rolled onto the table, an idea popping up into her mind. _

_ Natasha elbowed Sharon in the arm, catching her and Jane’s attention, “Watch this.” Natasha grabbed the ball and threw it. They watched as the ball of plastic had hit James right in the back of his head. The three of them giggled as James raised a hand to the back of his head, but their laughter immediately died when they saw the murder glare that James was sending their way, or more specifically, Natasha’s way. _

_ “Fuck off, Nat!” James yelled as he reached down and threw the ball back. _

_ Natasha stuck her tongue out at him before yelling, “You don’t scare me!” _

But despite James and Tony repeatedly telling everyone that they were just best friends, some people just didn’t believe them.

_ James, Tony, Natasha, and Sharon were currently on winter break and were thus gathered in the Barnes’s household marathoning Christmas movies. Natasha had claimed the brown recliner and was shoving her face full of extra buttery popcorn. Sharon plopped herself down on the shorter side of the L section of the couch and was curled up in a fuzzy purple blanket. James and Tony, on the other hand, were cuddling on the longer side of the L section. _

_ They four had just reached the scene where Buddy had demolished Michael’s classmates in a snowball fight when James’s parents came home. _

_ “Hey, kids, we’re- Oh, I didn’t know we had company over.” _

_ “Hi, Mrs. Barn-,” _

_ “Shhh!” James interrupted Sharon mid-greeting. “Tony’s sleeping.” James gestured down to Tony, who was passed out and drooling on James’s chest. _

_ Sharon faked gagged while Natasha rolled her eyes at the lovesick look on James’s face. _

_ Winnifred placed a hand over her heart and cooed at her son. “Oh, you two are so precious. James, why don’t you take your boyfriend to your room so he can sleep in peace.” _

_ James had let out a small groan, but quickly went quiet when he felt Tony shift in his arms. Once James felt the steady rise and fall of Tony’s breaths, he looked over to his mother. “How many times do I have to tell you? Tony and I are not dating,” he whispered loudly enough for his words to fall to his mother’s ears. _

_ Winnifred clucked her tongue and waved off her son’s comment, “Darling, please. Your father and I have seen the way you two look at each other, and honey? You two are not fooling anyone.” Winnifred turned to look to her husband, who was bringing in the groceries, “Isn’t that right, George?” _

_ George nodded as he passed by the living room. “Your mother’s right James,” he said once he returned to where everyone had gathered. “Now, go be a good boyfriend and put Tony to bed.” _

_ Sharon and Natasha giggled when they saw the annoyed look on James’s face and the widest grins on Mr. and Mrs. Barnes’s faces when James relented and took Tony to his room. _

Eventually, though, once Sharon and Natasha realized that neither James or Tony were willing to take their friendship to the next level on their own. So, the two girls decided it was finally time for them to intervene. 

_ Tony banged on the janitor closet door. “SHARON! SHARON! LET ME OUT DAMMIT!” _

_ “Tony?” _

_ Tony froze mid-bang when he heard James’s voice. “James?” _

_ “Yeah, it’s me, doll.” James replied as his hands moved around the wall, trying to find the light switch. _

_ Tony’s eyes blinked continuously once light filled the closet. _

_ James smiled down at Tony when he saw Tony’s nose crinkle. James’s fingers brushed away the small curls of Tony’s hair that fell on his forehead. Tony leaned into James’s touch and let out a satisfied hum when he felt James scratch his scalp. _

_ “So,” James began, “got any ideas on why Nat and Sharon decided to lock us in the janitor closet?” _

_ Before Tony could even reply, Natasha’s voice could be heard from the other side of the door. “Because you two are idiots and apparently aren’t bold enough to take your friendship to the next level! Also, we’re tired of watching you guys act like you aren’t in love with each other!” _

_ “Yeah, what Nat said! And we aren’t letting the two of you out until you guys finally admit that you love each other and basically wanna bang each other’s brains out!” Sharon chimed in. _

_ Tony’s eyes widen and his cheeks had begun to heat up at Natasha and Sharon’s words. James, on the other hand, was still able to somehow keep his composure in check. _

_ “I, um… I have no idea what they’re talking about,” Tony said as he kept his focused on his shoes. _

_ James tilted Tony’s chin up with one of his fingers, their eyes locked on each other. If James was being honest with himself, the feelings he had for Tony were clearly past the friendship level and he’s been living in denial about it for the past two years. Quite frankly, James was starting to get tired of not being able to do more with Tony—the more in this case being the kissing and sex. _

_ So, James decided to be bold and let his feelings finally be known. _

_ “Oh? Is that so? Well, I do.” _

_ “You, you do?” Tony went still, hope slowly starting to rise within him. _

_ James nodded. “I do, doll.” James reached a hand up to cup Tony’s cheek, the pad of his thumb slowly caressing Tony’s skin. “If Nat and Sharon’s words weren’t obvious enough, I’m so fucking in love with you, Tony.” _

_ “You are?” _

_ James nodded once again, “Yeah, I am… and I, fuck, I hope that my annoying cousin and her best friend aren’t lying and that you actually love me too.” _

_ Tony hadn’t said anything for a few moments, and it hurt. It fucking hurt. James was beginning to believe that Natasha and Sharon’s words weren’t true, that them locking him and Tony in the janitor closet was just a cruel prank. James’s heart started to ache, tears welled up in his eyes, his voice stuck in his throat. He started to pull away from Tony’s body and was about to awkwardly beg Natasha and Sharon to let him out when James felt Tony’s hands latch onto his arms. _

_ “No, James, wait!” Tony begged as he moved his hands to firmly grip James’s. “Sharon and Natasha aren’t lying… I’m in love with you too.” _

_ A happy sob escaped from James’s mouth as he pulled Tony’s body to his, moving to wrap his arms around the smaller teen’s frame. Just as James was about to ask Tony if he could give him a kiss. Sharon’s voice ruined the moment. _

_ “Oh, thank fucking God.” _

From that point forward, James and Tony had officially became a couple. No one batted an eyelash when the two were seen kissing at their usual lunch table on campus, or were seen downtown on a romantic dinner date. Or even when Tony showed up to James’s football and lacrosse games with giant posters, cheering and proudly yelling, “That’s my boyfriend!” 

To everyone else, it was just James and Tony being their usual selves, but with them being more comfortable showing public displays of affection. 

And if it were any other couple, people would roll their eyes and show their irritation. But with James and Tony, people smiled and awed at the couple. Their peers loved the two of them together so much that they had voted James and Tony as the “Cutest Couple” during their senior year of high school. 

_ Natasha and Sharon flipped their yearbook and paused when they came across the senior class’s superlatives. _

_ “Is that?” Sharon trailed off as she pointed to the “Cutest Couple” section of the page. _

_ Natasha nodded. “Yup, that’s them alright.” _

_ “God, they’re so cute it’s disgusting.” _

_ “Agreed.” _

And if the superlative wasn’t enough, James and Tony were even crowned Prom Royals. 

_ “And the class of 2009 Prom Royals are,” Janet started to say as she opened up the gold envelope, “James Barnes and Anthony Stark!” Janet grinned as she and the rest of their class started to cheer and clapped. _

_ The couple were shocked at the results, considering that their names weren’t even a choice on the ballots. _

_ “Well, don’t just stand there you two,” Janet scolded in a teasing manner, “Come and get your crowns!” _

_ Later into the night, James and Tony could be found on the starboard side of the boat, standing near the railing, staring out into the city’s skyline, crowns proudly on their heads. _

_ “So, we’re royalty huh.” Tony broke the comfortable silence, a smirk on his face. _

_ James snorted as he pulled Tony’s body closer to his. “I guess so, babe.” _

But while everyone had assumed that they would grow to be that couple that stayed together for life—especially since the two of them had somewhat planned to become high school sweethearts… 

_ “Wait, you’re not going to apply to college?” Tony asked in disbelief to his boyfriend. _

_ “Nope,” James replied. _

_ Tony’s eyebrows furrowed, confusion quickly settling onto his face. “Then what are you going to do once we graduate high school?” _

_ James shrugged. “Honestly, doll, I’ve been thinking about moving out west. Out to Los Angeles,” he admitted. “I, um… I wanna be a model.” _

_ “A model?!” _

_ James bit the inside of his cheek. He had never told Tony, or anyone for that matter, of his dream of one day becoming a well known, A-list model, and James hoped that Tony wouldn’t say anything that would crush his spirits. “Yeah, a model.” _

_ Tony tilted his head to the side, deep in thought. Though, it wasn’t long before a smirk started to creep onto his face. “A model, huh? Well, I’ve always had a thing for models, swimsuit models more specifically.” He clapped his hands, “Guess this means I have to research schools in California then!” _

_ James’s heartbeat quickened. “Wait, does that mean what I think it means?” _

_ “James, honey, if you think I’m going to leave my future husband alone as he pursues his model career then you must not know me as well as I thought you did.” _

_ A warmth spread through James’s chest as his mind had latched onto the phrase ‘future husband.’ Future husband. Future fucking husband. Tony wanted to marry him. Holy fuck. _

_ “Future husband, huh?” James teased his boyfriend with a fond look. _

_ Tony’s cheeks blushed, “I, uh, yeah, future husband. I wanna marry you someday, dork.” _

_ “I wanna marry you too, doll.” _

Their relationship had quickly ended in one of the most saddest ways.

_ It was the night before James and Tony’s high school graduation, and the couple—like a good majority of their class—were out at the biggest end-of-the-year party that was being held at Janet’s home. When James and Tony first arrived at Janet’s, they were together for the first hour or two, playing shot pong together—with Tony drinking all of James’s shots since James agreed to be the designated driver for the night—, or in the karaoke room singing along to ABBA and Queen songs. But eventually, Tony had begun to grow bored and told James that he was going to go find Janet, sober up, and hang out with her. _

_ About three hours had passed, and Tony figured it was a good time to leave the party and go home and have a nice cuddle session with James before they both passed out. Tony had said his goodbyes to Janet and went off to search for James, but Tony was having a hard time finding his boyfriend with the rest of the crowd on the first floor and James wasn’t anywhere near the pool. Tony became stumped on where his boyfriend could be. So, he pulled out his phone and sent him a few texts. _

> **2:33 am** Hi, baby ❤️😊
> 
> **2:33 am** Are you ready to go?
> 
> **2:33 am** Where are you?
> 
> **2:47 am** James
> 
> **2:48 am **Hellloooooooooooo
> 
> **2:49 am** I've called you like five times now
> 
> **2:49 am** Please pick up your phone, James
> 
> **2:52 am** Baby, c'mon answer your phone 😩
> 
> _Delivered_

_ When James hadn’t responded, Tony figured that he must’ve passed out in one of the rooms on the second floor and went in search for him. By the time that Tony reached the second floor, he heard loud moans coming from one of the rooms. Tony chuckled to himself and had wished that the music that was playing downstairs was a bit louder so the moans that he heard could be drowned out. Tony had reached the room where he heard the moans coming from and was simply going to walk past it, but then he heard a voice yell out. _

_ “Oh, fuck!” _

_ Tony’s steps halted in front of the door. His chest tightened. He knew that voice. Tony knew that fucking voice. _

_ “Yeah, baby, just like that…. You feel so good…. I’m so fucking close…” _

_ No. _

_ No, it couldn’t be him. It can’t be. James would never do that to him. _

_ Right? _

_ As much as Tony wanted to walk away and push the idea of James cheating on him out of his mind, he had to know if it really was his boyfriend. Taking a deep breath, Tony hesitantly and slowly opened the door and peeked in. _

_ And what Tony saw, broke his heart. _

_ There, spread out on the bed was James with his eyes shut and his face showing pure pleasure. And on top of James, was a long haired blonde. _

_ Hurt filled Tony’s soul. He couldn’t believe the sight that was laid out before him. James was cheating on him. _

_ Quietly, Tony shut the door. His bottom lip began to quiver and he started to feel an aching feeling grow in his chest. Tony hastily made his way down the stairs and out of the house, avoiding everyone in his way, and planted himself down on the curb a few houses down from Janet’s. Shakily, he pulled out his phone and went to his Favorites in his contacts and pressed the first name on the list. _

_ “Sharon?” Tony, began, trying his best not to let out a sob, “Can, can you come pick me up? I’m a few houses down from Jan’s.” _

_ Tony paused when Sharon asked him why James wasn’t taking him back home. He shut his eyes, licked his dry lips and stuttered a reply. “I, I… Ca-can you just get me, please?” Tears started to fall from his whiskey brown colored eyes. “Okay, thank you,” he replied softly when Sharon said that she agreed to pick him up. _

_ After hanging up, Tony sent James a few texts. _

> **3:32 am** I couldn't find you
> 
> **3:32 am** So Sharon is picking me up
> 
> **3:32 am** I'll see you tomorrow
> 
> _ Delivered_

_ Despite, what just happened, Tony didn’t want James to worry about him. _

_ It didn’t take Sharon long to get to Jan’s, fifteen minutes at the most, but in that amount of time that Tony waited for his cousin, the hurt that he felt demanded to be expressed. So, Tony started to silently cry. He sniffed his nose, and wiped away the tears when Sharon slowly pulled up next to him. Tony expected Sharon to grill him the moment he got into the car, but was thankful when his cousin decided to give him a reassuring smile and comforting hand squeeze instead. _

_ The two sat in silence as Sharon drove them home. As Tony sat in the car, all his mind could do was attempt to wrap his head around what had happened. He tried to think of a logical reason as to why James would cheat on him, but his mind was blank. Tony couldn’t think of anything. _

_ So, naturally, all Tony thought was that maybe the reason as to why James cheated is because Tony just wasn’t enough for him. And that? That hurt Tony deeply. _

_ Despite his eyes being cast downward, Tony could feel the tenseness coming off of his cousin. “What, Sharon?” Tony sighed. “I know you want to ask something, so just ask it.” _

_ Sharon drummed her fingers on the steering wheel and chewed on her lip, nervously. “What happened, Tony? Where’s James? Why isn’t he the one taking you home tonight?” _

_ Tony shut his eyes to try to stop the tears that he could feel welling up. “He’s not with me because… because I caught him cheating on me,” he revealed softly. _

_ “Oh.” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “Want me to kick his ass?” _

_ Tony snorted, “As much as I want to say yes, don’t… and please don’t tell Natasha or anyone else for that matter.” _

But when Tony tried to confront James the next day after their graduation ceremony, James didn’t come clean about his unfaithful act.

_ James grinned as he spotted Sharon jump into Tony’s arms and gave each other a tight hug. He said his thanks to his family and told them he was going to go over to Tony for a bit. When he approached the duo, James was a bit confused at the sudden harsh look that Sharon gave him. The moment that Sharon walked away from him and Tony, James tried to pull Tony for a hug, but James was shocked when Tony pushed his arms away and took a step back from him. Tony had been acting strange all day. First, Tony hadn’t responded to any of his texts or calls. Then, when he tried to reach out to Sharon or Janet and ask about Tony, James was brushed off. And now, Tony pushing him away from his touch had him confused and worried as hell. _

_ “Tony? You haven’t been answering my texts or calls, what’s wrong?” _

_ Tony scoffed and shook his head, keeping his eyes gazed towards his scattered classmates all wearing their caps and gowns, celebrating with their respective loved ones. _

_ “Doll?” James tried again. _

_ Tony shook his head, “No. No, don’t call me that.” _

_ James furrowed his eyebrows. “What? Why not? Tony, what’s wrong?” _

_ Tony scoffed as he crossed his arms. _

_ James could feel the irritation starting to grow in him. “Okay, what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?” _

_ Tony shook his head furiously before grabbing James’s hand and dragging him to a more private location, away from prying eyes and ears. _

_ “Is there anything you want to tell me, James?” _

_ “Other than, ‘We did it!,’ for graduating high school? No.” _

_ “Are you sure? Like are you absolutely sure that you have nothing that you want or need to tell me?” _

_ James racked his brain for what Tony could be talking about, but James couldn’t think of anything. He shook his head. “I have nothing to tell you Tony.” _

_ “Oh, is that how you want to play it? Okay, how about last night? With you and that girl fucking at Jan’s party, huh?! Do you still have nothing to say to me?” _

_ James’s eyes widen in realization. _

_ Oh. _

_ Oh fucking shit. _

_ “Oh.” _

_ Tony scoffed. “Really? That’s all you have to say?” _

_ At this point, James could see the anger fade in Tony’s eyes. Instead, James was greeted with pain and betrayal in Tony’s eyes, and it made James feel like one huge piece of shit. _

_ “I’m sorry, Tony. What I did was incredibly fucked up, and you didn’t deserve that.” _

_ “Then why did you do it, James? If you know it was fucked up, why did you do it? Why did you cheat on me?” Tony asked, the hurt lacing his voice. “Was I not enough for you anymore? Was that it?” _

_ “No, no, no. Oh, baby, no,” James began to protest, “That’s not the reason at all.” As much as James wanted to pull Tony into his arms and comfort him, James knew that he couldn’t. He was the one who caused Tony this pain, he didn’t deserve to hold him like that. _

_ “Then why? Just please tell me why you did it,” Tony said as tears started to pool in his eyes, waiting to fall down his face. _

_ “I… I was scared,” James admitted. _

_ “Scared? Scared of what?” _

_ “Of commitment.” _

_ “What the fuck do you mean by that? We’ve been in a relationship for the past three years now.” _

_ “I just… Tony, we talked about getting married.” _

_ “And you don’t want that? You don’t want to get married?” _

_ James shook his head. “No, I don’t… At least, not with you.” _

_ The moment those words left James’s lips, the tears in Tony’s eyes finally fell and Tony’s heart shattered. _

_ “What?” _

_ “I don’t want to get married to you.” _

_ “I… What?” Tony asked again in disbelief as he wiped away his tears. “Then, why did you tell me that you wanted to marry me too?” _

_ “Well, I did want to get married to you, Tony, but then I just…” _

_ “You just what, James?” _

_ James knew that what he was about to say would break Tony even more, but he had to say it. He needed to tell the truth. Tony deserved that much. “I just… I fell out of love with you.” _

_ “... Oh.” _

_ James bit his bottom lip. “Yeah,” he responded lamely. _

_ “I… How…” Tony tired to respond. The words seemed to be caught in his throat. _

_ “Tony, I,” James had started to say before he was interrupted. _

_ “When?” _

_ “What?” _

_ “When did you fall out of love with me?” Tony hesitantly asked. _

_ James didn’t want to respond. _

_ “When James?” Tony pressed firmly, the anger began to resurface. _

_ James sighed as he focused his gaze down to the shoes that were peeking out of his gown. “About six months ago.” _

_ Tony’s eyes widen in shock. “Six months ago?” _

_ James nodded. _

_ “If you fell out of love with me six months ago, why didn’t you just break up with me? Why stay together?” _

_ “I don’t kn—” _

_ “No, no fuck you. Don’t give me that bullshit, James. Tell me.” _

_ “Because I didn’t want to lose you, okay! You’re the most important person to me and if we broke up I was afraid that you would leave me. So, for the last six months I just pretended to be in love with you.” _

_ “You’re so fucking stupid for thinking that I would have left you, James. I never would’ve left you. I still would’ve been best friends with you. Would we have needed some time apart after breaking up? Yeah, but we still would’ve stayed friends. But now? I don’t think we can.” _

_ No, no, no, no! James could feel the panic starting to rise up within him. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He and Tony were supposed to stay in each other’s lives forever. James about to protest, argue that Tony couldn’t leave, but Tony beat him into saying something. _

_ “You know what I haven’t stopped thinking about since I caught you last night? How comfortable the two of you were, like you two have done this before. Have you?” _

_ James shut his eyes. “... Yeah. Yeah we have,” the guilt and shame lacing his voice. _

_ “How long?” _

_ “Five months.” _

_ “Fuck you, just fuck you, James. You’re a piece of shit.” _

_ “Tony, I—” _

_ “Did anyone else know? Did Natasha know?” _

_ James shook his head. “No, she didn’t. You know that she is protective over you, she would’ve told you if she knew.” _

_ “So, what? You were just expecting not to get caught? To just continue being with me and fuck someone else on the side?” _

_ “Tony, I—” _

_ Tony raised his hand to get to James to stop speaking, “No, don’t. You willingly cheated on me for five months, James. You had me believe that you loved me for six months.” Tony scoffed. “You know, it’s funny how you stayed with me because you were afraid that I would leave you. Well, guess what James? I’m fucking done with you. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t drag our mutual friends into this mess and try to get them to make me talk to you. I’m fucking done. I don’t want anything to do with you. I hope you have a great life. Goodbye, James.” _

_ James’s heart broke the moment that Tony walk away from him. His heart broke even more when he saw Tony collapse into Sharon’s arms—who was waiting for Tony at a distance—with a sob. The most important person he had in his life was hurt and had left him, and James had no one to blame for that except for himself. _

And that moment was the last time James and Tony ever saw or spoke to each other, but with an event creeping up on their horizons, things between the duo could change.

* * *

“So, are you going or what?” 

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Tony jumped and placed a hand over his heart. “Don’t fucking do that!” He swatted at his cousin who was leaning over his shoulder, “You know I have a bad heart!” 

“Right, I’m sorry,” Sharon meekly apologized as she plopped down onto the couch, laying her head onto Tony’s lap. She hummed in satisfaction when Tony automatically started to play with her hair. “You still haven’t answered my question, though.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you fucking do. I saw you looking at the invitation. Now stop playing dumb.” Sharon reached into the pocket of her hoodie and pulled her phone out. “Do I need to call Jim?” Her finger close to Rhodey’s contact name.

“Oh my God, no! Do not call Rhodey! Fuck, okay fine, I’ll stop playing dumb,” Tony gave in as Sharon smirked. “I don’t know if I want to go,” Tony sighed. 

“What, why—no, keep playing with my hair—why not?” Sharon asked. “Tony, c’mon, it’s your ten year high school reunion! You have to go! Well, I mean you don’t _ have _ to go, but like it’s gonna be fun!” 

Tony raised an eyebrow. “And how do you know that?”

“Jan bribed me to help her plan it because she stacked with some deadlines for coming up with some new designs right now.” 

“Bribed you? With what?” 

Sharon gave him a cheeky smirk.

“Ew! Gross!” Tony retracted his hand from Sharon’s hair to dramatically fake gag. 

“It’s just sex, Tony,” Sharon laughed as she sat up.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s gross knowing it’s my cousin and one of my best friends.” 

Sharon shrugged. “Sounds like a you problem, dude. But anyway! Why won’t you go, Tony?” 

Tony fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “What if he’s there?” he asked quietly.

“Who? James?” 

Tony nodded. 

“Well, I can tell you right now, he’s definitely gonna be there. In fact, he was one of the first people to RSVP.” 

“Then I am _ definitely _not going.” 

“Why not? It’s not like you still have feelings for that piece of shit anyway.”

“Well, yeah true,” Tony lied. 

In actuality, Tony totally still had feelings for James. He knows that he probably shouldn’t, but his heart couldn’t help it. James was his first friend, first kiss, first love, first sexual experience, first heartbreak, first… well everything really. They had too much history together. Tony knew that if he saw James at their high school reunion, despite everything that happened between them, he would be weak and probably fall for James once again. And that? That terrified the fuck out of Tony. He was scared that if he let James back into his life, that history would repeat itself, that James would cheat on him again. And Tony doesn’t know if his heart could handle that type of heartbreak again.

“If I go, then I don’t want to see him,” Tony said.

“Then, you can avoid him while I beat the shit out of him,” Sharon stated simply. 

Tony was a bit surprised at how Sharon didn’t call him out on his lies. (Out of everyone Tony had in his life, there were four people that could read him like a book: Jarvis, Sharon, Jan, and Rhodey.) But Tony decided to be grateful that his cousin gave him a pass. But then, Sharon’s response finally hit him, “Wait, you’re gonna be there?”

“Duh, I’m Jan’s wife remember? So, of course I’m gonna be there. Thus, me having the perfect opportunity to kick the shit out of James.”

“Oh, yeah,” Tony replied as he started to remember that Sharon and Jan had gotten married a couple months ago. “And no, you will absolutely not do that. No violence at my high school reunion, Share Bear,” Tony pointed at her. 

Sharon clucked her tongue. “You’re no fun, Tony,” she pouted.

“Do I really need to remind you of Tiberius and Sunset, and how you were arrested for what you did? You’re lucky that they dropped the charges on you!”

“It was still totally worth it,” Sharon shrugged. 

“Even attacking Kathleen Dare?”

“Again, that one was worth it too.”

“No, it wasn’t!”

“She shot you!”

At that, Tony paused. “Okay, you may have a point there. I guess that one can slide. But what about Indries Moomji?”

“Worth it.”

“You punched her in the nose so bad that she had to get surgery to get it fixed so she could breathe normally!”

“And? It was still worth it, Tony.” She let out a groan at Tony’s pointed look. “Fine, no violence.” Sharon stuck her tongue out at Tony, “Fun sucker.” She smiled when Tony let out a laugh at her antics. Sharon nudged Tony’s arm, “I still think you should go though.”

“Do you, really?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “And since violence is no longer an option, I’ll stay by your side the entire night and we can avoid James together.” 

Tony pondered Sharon’s words before making his decision. “Alright, I’m going.”

“Good,” Sharon pulled her cousin in for a quick hug. “Now, c’mon let me kick your ass in Super Smash Bros.”

* * *

Sharon murmured to herself as she debated between getting Froot Loops or Cinnamon Toast Crunch. She held one box in one hand and the other box in her other hand as she contemplated a bit longer. Sharon shrugged to herself and ended up putting both boxes into her cart. As Sharon was putting the boxes of cereal into her cart, her eyes spotted two familiar bodies down arguing down the aisle. She squinted her eyes and tilted her head.

_ Is that? _ She wondered. _ No, it can’t be. He would never grow his hair out that long… Right? _

The longer that Sharon looked at the duo, the more she was starting to believe that the figure was from her and Tony’s past.

_ Oh, shit. It really is him. God, that hair should not work on him or anyone for that matter, but as much as I hate to admit it—which I never will admit aloud—he pulls it off well. _

The duo was none other than: James and Natasha.

One person she still considers her best friend, and the other who she considers a true fucking asshole. 

Sharon’s jaw clenched before an idea popped into her head.

_ Tony said I couldn’t be violent at his high school reunion, but he never said anything about being violent at a grocery store. _

A smirk appeared on her face. She glided her cart and herself towards the cousins and greeted them. 

“Nat! Hi!” Sharon said. She turned her head to look at James. “James, oh how good it is to see you,” sarcasm dripping from her tongue. 

“Sharon?” James responded in shock.

Natasha rolled her eyes at her cousin. The redhead grinned and pulled Sharon into a hug. “Sharon! It’s so good to see you, it’s been too long!” 

Sharon hugged her tightly. “I saw you two days ago, Nat.” 

“That’s too long for us,” Natasha replied as she let go from the hug. 

Sharon could see how James stood around the duo awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck as he waited for them to finish. But what Sharon loved the most, was seeing the underlying fear in James’s eyes.

_ Good_, she thought. _ He should be scared of me. _

“So,” Sharon started off casually. “What are you doing back in town, James? It’s been what, ten years? Still with that girl that you cheated on Tony with?” 

Fuck. 

She wasn’t supposed to say that. 

Sharon knew that once she told Tony about what she just said in front of Natasha, he would probably get pissed at her. But she couldn’t help it, Natasha deserved to know why she wasn’t allowed to bring up James whenever the three of them hung out. (And considering that Natasha never showed any anger about James’s actions, Sharon figured that James never told his cousin the truth.) 

Also, Tony was her favorite cousin, her favorite family member, and she is incredibly protective over him. In her eyes, anyone that hurts Tony is automatically on her shit list. 

Sharon internally chuckled when she noticed Natasha’s eyes comically widened for a few seconds before the fury showed up. 

“You _ cheated _ on _ Tony_?!” 

James winced and nodded. 

Sharon covered her mouth to try to hide the laugh that was attempting to escape her mouth. 

_ Oh, this is going to be good. _

Natasha swatted at James’s arm. “That’s for cheating on my sweet and precious Tony.” She swatted once more, “And that’s for lying to me about your guys’s breakup.”

Sharon’s eyebrow raised in curiosity, “What did he tell you?”

“Ow!” James yelped as he rubbed the spot that Natasha hit. “Do we really have to do this in public?”

“Yes,” both girls snapped.

“_He_,” Natasha pointed to James, “told me that their breakup was amicable, that they both decided to was best to breakup and explore life and figure themselves out separately. Which honestly, now that I think about it, makes no fucking sense to me since I could’ve sworn that I overheard the two of you talking about getting married after your high school graduation.” The redhead shook her head at her cousin. “I should’ve known you were lying to me.” 

Sharon cocked her head to the side as she looked at James. “Oh, really?” She said as she crossed her arms. 

James’s mouth opened and shut like a fish. “I can explain,” he started to say. Though, no other words seemed to come out. As far as Sharon could tell, James didn’t really have a good enough explanation and was, well panicking. 

Sharon rolled her eyes and decided to be nice for one second and put James out of his misery. “You know what? Don’t bother, I don’t want to hear it.” 

Sharon was no fool, she knew that her cousin still had feelings for his former flame. Personally from an outsider’s perspective, Sharon thought Tony was stupid for still holding feelings for James, but she wouldn’t stop Tony from doing and feeling how he wants. The blonde had an inkling that the two would end up talking at their high school reunion. Would they give dating each other another shot? Only they knew, but Sharon figured that she should give him a nice little warning.

She stepped closer to James. “Though, I thought I should be fair and give you a warning: if you _ ever _ hurt Tony as much as you did ten years ago, then you better watch out because I’m not the only one you’re gonna have to deal with.” It wasn’t the best threat that Sharon had ever given, but in her defense she was getting hungry and she wanted this conversation to be done with so she could eat. She stepped back and pointed to Nat. “Are you still going to lunch tomorrow?” Sharon smiled when Nat nodded. “Great!” Sharon pushed her cart past them, but stop a few steps away from James. “Oh, and James?” She turned, formed her hand into a fist, and landed a hard punch to James’s balls. Sharon patted James on the top of his head when he landed on his knees and let out a pained moan. “That’s for cheating on Tony.” 

* * *

Natasha pulled out her phone and started taking pictures of her cousin. “You totally deserved that.” 

“Yup,” James groaned as he slowly fell into a fetal position. “Sure, did. God, I forgot Sharon can pack a punch.” James weakly waved his arm at Nat. “Fuckin’ stop taking pictures.” 

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” she laughed. “I do recommend getting off the floor soon, people are starting to stare.”

* * *

Tony blew out a breath as he laid on his couch, bored out of his mind. His phone dinged from the coffee table, screen lighting up with a text notification. Tony sat up and grabbed his phone, surprised to see a text from Natasha. 

“What the fuck?” he muttered to himself when he saw what she had sent. 

The text was a string of photos that showed a long haired man on the floor, face scrunched up in pain, as he grabbed onto his crotch with the following text: 

> ** **1:14 pm** ** **Sharon ran into James and I at the grocery store… I found out the truth about yours and James’s break up. Sharon punched him in the dick. He deserves it and more.**

Tony’s mouth gaped once it finally clicked in his brain that the man in the photo was James, his James. He tapped the photo to bring it up to full size. “What the fuck did he do to his hair?” he asked. He exited out of the photo and sent a text back to Nat.

> **1:18 pm **I’m sorry for not telling you the truth. But also, what the fuck???? His hair???? Sharon punching him???? I’m??????
> 
> _Delivered_

Tony then proceeded to send a text to Sharon.

> **1:19 pm **YOU PUNCHED JAMES IN THE DICK?!
> 
> **1:19 pm **I’M PRETTY SURE THAT I CLEARLY SAID NO VIOLENCE!!!
> 
> _ Delivered_

Tony rolled his eyes at the response he got from her.

> ** **1:19 pm** ** **Correction, oh dear lovely cousin of mine, you said no violence at your high school reunion, but you never said anything about grocery stores 😉**

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Tony shook his head. He was a little peeved at the fact that Sharon punched James and that Natasha stood there and let it happen. Though, there was a part of him that felt a sense of warmth, knowing that he had people that were protective over him. 

He went back to the photo that Natasha sent him and stared at James. Time was good to James, he clearly had been exercising regularly judging by his defining muscles in the red Henley he was wearing. Tony was curious about James’s new hair length, though. In the thirteen years that he knew James, James never once expressed that he wanted to grow his hair out. But then again, it has been ten years since he had last seen or spoken to James. 

Tony curiosity started to rise. He exited out of his messages, opened up the Instagram app, and immediately went to the search bar. His fingers tapped on his phone screen, quickly entering in James’s name. In the last ten years, Tony had only online stalked James once—it was about a few months after they had broken up. Tony was curious to see where James had ended up after they had graduated, so naturally he pulled up James’s Facebook account. Tony wasn’t surprised to see that James decided to go to Los Angeles, though it did hurt to see James’s relationship status was changed from ‘In a Relationship with Tony Stark’ to ‘In a Relationship with Emma Frost.’ Tony was even more hurt when he clicked on Emma’s profile and noticed that she was the girl James had cheated on him with. After that, Tony had deleted his Facebook account, and promised himself that he wouldn’t check up on James and what he was doing with his life. Surprisingly, Tony was able to have some self-control and keep his word… well up to this point at least. But hey in his defense about ten years is a pretty good length for not looking James up, despite him having strong urges to break his promise to himself. 

Thankfully, Tony didn’t have to search hard for James’s Instagram account, considering that James’s account was the first one to popup; however, Tony was surprised to see James’s username, _ BuckyBarnes_, and the blue verified checkmark next to it. 

“Bucky?” Tony tapped on the profile, and lo and behold, it was James. “James ‘Bucky’ Barnes… _ Bucky_? He’s seriously calling himself that? I mean, I guess.” Tony continued on to read aloud what James had written for his biography. “_Sometimes I walk down a runway, though most of the time I just sit and look pretty for a camera_,” Tony snorted once he finished reading. 

He scrolled down to the photos that James—or should he call him Bucky now? (Okay, yeah that’s never happening. Bucky is a stupid nickname and Tony will forever stand by that statement.)—had posted. The photos were all varied: there was some with selfies of James, who still looked gorgeous in Tony’s opinion, photos of James and some short skinny blonde named Steve (who Tony learned after going through Steve’s profile, was an astounding comic book artist) and Steve’s boyfriend, Sam (who sadly had no Instagram account that Tony could lurk through), photos of James at various fashion events, and some photos of James’s personal life. Overall, James had accomplished his dream of being a model and seemed to be living a good life. And Tony? Tony was so incredibly proud and impressed of James. Though, Tony did wonder just how happy James was with his life. (After all, social media was the place where people seemed to share the good parts and never the bad.)

Tony continued to scroll through the hundreds of photos that James had posted, and Tony had paused when one particular photo caught his eye. He tapped on the photo to bring up the post, and Tony’s chest tightened. 

Holy fuck. 

“Is he wearing a fucking speedo?” Tony breathed. “Holy shit, I think he is.”

In the photo, James was on his knees in the sand at the beach. And he was wearing nothing but a red speedo that had a strip of gold at the top. His thumbs were hooked on the speedo, slightly lowering them, giving the camera a little sneak peek to what was hidden by the fabric. James’s long hair was flawlessly tossed to one side of his head. His tan skin combined with the bits of sand on him? Fucking hot. And James’s muscles and abs? Oh my God, the longer that Tony stared at them, the more Tony forgot to breathe. And was that a fucking tattoo? Tony’s eyes narrowed as he stared at the red star that laid on James’s left hip. Yup, that’s a fucking tattoo alright.

To put it simply, James looked fucking amazing and Tony was so turned on that he could feel his cock beginning to get hard. 

Tony chuckled when he remembered a conversation that he and James had, “I really do have a thing for swimsuit models, huh?” He bit his bottom lip and palmed his length. But before Tony could even think about continuing, he read the caption and Tony’s heart skipped a beat. 

** _BuckyBarnes _ ** _ This photo is dedicated to the person who once told me that they had a thing for swimsuit models. I hope that they enjoy this photo, and that one day we can meet again and start anew. _

Was James… was he talking about him? 

No, he couldn’t be… Could he? 

Tony eyed the posting date, _ October 11, 2018_. James had posted that on the day they had officially became a couple. 

Oh, shit. James _ was _ talking about him. 

Did…. did James still have feelings for him? 

“Nope,” Tony said. He shook his head in denial as he closed the app and placed his phone back on the coffee table. “No, fucking way.” 

As much as he wanted to dive into the endless cycles of ‘what if’s’ and give himself what he thought was false hope, Tony decided to hop in the shower, try to not think about James, and just rub one out. 

“Yeah, that’s solid plan.”

* * *

“Hey, did you guys know that James is a model now?” Tony asked suddenly during the middle of his monthly get together lunch with Sharon, Janet, and Natasha. Out of the corners of his eyes he could see Janet and Natasha tense up. His eyes narrowed towards Jan and Nat. “Wait a minute.” He pointed at them with his fork. “You two don’t seem so surprised… Did you guys know about it?”

“Uhmmm…” Jan trailed off. 

“In my defense, he _ is _ my cousin, so it would be weird if I didn’t know,” Nat defended herself.

“Oh my God, is that why his hair is long now?” Sharon interrupted as her eyes went wide. 

“Janet, spill.” Tony motioned with a nod. 

Jan sighed and relented. “Okay, yes. I did know. I’ve known for about two years now.”

“Two years?” Sharon started to say. Tony could tell that his cousin was trying to piece together something. “Isn’t that the same time you punched that one model you met at one of your afterparties after one of your shows in the face?”

“That was _ you_?!” Nat exclaimed. “James was bruised for like two weeks after that. His manager got so pissed and told him to press charges, but he wouldn’t and I always thought he was stupid not to but… Wow, Jan. I’m impressed, you got a mean hit.” 

“I plead the fifth,” Jan replied as she continued eating her salad. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Is there any person who _ hasn’t _harmed James physically because of what he did to me?”

“Jim,” Nat pointed out. “And me, but I’m pretty sure that’s going to change the moment I introduce James to Jim.”

“Introducing the two of you was probably one of the best while simultaneously the worst decision I’ve ever made,” Tony said as he shuddered.

“It’s not my fault you walked in on us having sex,” the redhead smirked, knowing what Tony was thinking about.

“It was my room!” 

“Should’ve knocked,” Nat shrugged before taking a sip of her drink. 

“Anyway!” Sharon interrupted before the two could argue any further, and also to prevent herself from knowing anymore details of Natasha and Jim’s sex life. “How did you even find out he was a model? Hmm, Tony?” She raised an eyebrow at him. 

Tony’s cheeks flushed. He redirected his attention to his plate and started to move the small amounts of pasta around. 

“Tony,” Jan pressed.

“I, may, uh, have Insta-stalked him yesterday when Nat sent me those pictures,” he admitted hesitantly, keeping his focus on his plate. Tony could feel their eyes drilling into his head. “What?” 

“So,” Sharon began, “Does you Insta-stalking him mean that you no longer want to avoid him?” 

Tony gave them a half-hearted shrug, feigning nonchalance. 

Jan’s eyes widen. “Oh my God, you totally want to see him again!” 

“What happened to all of you wanting to murder him?” 

“Oh, trust me, we still want that, me especially since Sharon and Jan here seemed to have their fun already,” Natasha said while the two other girls smirked. She wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulders and pulled his body closer to hers, giving him a quick squeeze. “But do you know what we, or me rather, want more deep down, Tones? For you and James to get back together… or at the very least, to be friends again.”

“I… but why?” Tony couldn’t believe what they were saying. He had thought that they would all disagree, that Tony should be with someone else. 

“Listen, Tony. Don’t get me wrong, James is totally still on my shit list for what he did to you. But in all honesty, I—or any of us for that matter—have no right to decide when or who you want to date. If you guys do date again? Then okay, I’ll support you, but I can’t promise that I won’t give James another terrifying shovel talk. But also, I miss the days were all of us would just be hanging out. But do you know the thing I miss most of all? Being able to mess with James.”

Nat snorted at the last comment, “You should totally put pink hair dye in his shampoo again, or come over to my place while he’s here and shave his head while he sleeps. His manager would go _ nuts_.”

“Oh my God, that’s genius,” Sharon gasped. 

Janet rolled her eyes at the duo. “Anyway, Sharon’s right, Tony. If you want to give James another chance, then you have all the right to do so.”

“I… oh.” Tony finished lamely. He truly wasn’t expecting this reaction from them. “I guess we’ll just wait and see what happens at the reunion, huh?” 

The three lovely ladies eyed one another, knowing that Tony and James wouldn’t be able to resist talking to each other again. (And especially if the three of them were most likely going to subtly push the two men to talk, but they didn’t need to know that, yet.) 

Tony chewed nervously on his bottom lip, “I… never mind.”

“What Tony?” Jan asked gently. “What’s on your mind?”

“Is… Is Emma Frost gonna be there?” he questioned hesitantly. 

“Emma?” 

Tony nodded.

“Uh, last I checked, she sent back her invitation saying she wasn’t going to show. She’s on tour with her band... X-Men, I think they’re called?” Jan replied. “Why?”

“No reason,” Tony muttered as he shook his head.

The three knew that there was a reason, but decided not to push Tony for more information. If he wanted to share, he would’ve. 

* * *

“It’s not fucking funny, Sam.”

“I dunno, man. It kind of is,” Sam replied as he failed to stifle his laughter.

Bucky looked at the man on his laptop screen and gave him a glare before turning to look at Steve, who was sitting next to Sam. “Tell your boyfriend to shut up.”

Steve let out a wince. “I think I agree with Sam on this one, Buck. It is kind of funny,” he said before letting out a chuckle. “And to be fair, you did deserve that punch,” he pointed out. “Honestly, I think that punch was long overdue.”

Bucky let out a groan as he threw his head back. “God, I hate the both of you. Remind me again why we’re friends.”

“No, you just hate the fact that we’re right,” Sam corrected as Steve nodded in agreement. “And we’re friends because… well honestly, that’s a question I ask myself everyday,” he joked.

Steve nudged his boyfriend in the ribs. 

“Ow, I was kidding!” Sam rubbed the spot Steve nudged and pouted. 

“Oh, quit it. I didn’t even nudge you that hard.”

Sam continued to pout. 

Steve rolled his eyes before giving him a kiss. “There, happy?”

“Yes.”

Bucky faked gagged at the couple. “Gross. I’m still on the call you guys.”

The couple smiled sheepishly before giving an apology. 

“Okay, but anyway, it’s settled. When we come and visit you and your hometown friends, we need to meet this Sharon. I wanna meet the lady who can pack a punch,” Sam commented. 

“Yeah, no that’s not happening,” Bucky said. “Because if I do, then the two of you would be inseparable and would find ways to team up to make my life more difficult than it needs to be.”

Sam pointed to him, “And that’s another reason why you should introduce the two of us!”

Sensing a bickering argument, Steve interrupted the two. “So, your reunion is, what? Tomorrow? You nervous to see him?”

“I don’t even know if he’s going to be there for sure, Steve.” 

“Well, if he is there, what are you going to do?” Steve asked. 

“He’s going to leave him alone. That’s what he’s going to do,” Sam said. 

“I, wait what?” Confusion settling on Bucky’s face. 

“Look, man. You fucked up big time. If I were in Tony’s shoes, I’d probably never want to talk to you again.”

“It’s been ten years, Sam!” Steve argued. “I’m sure this Tony fella has moved from what happened.”

“Their break up was messy, babe! Tony has every right to not want to talk to Bucky.”

“Okay, listen,” Bucky cut in before Steve argued on his behalf any further. “Sam’s right, don’t give me that face, Steven, you know deep down that he is. You just have some tunnel vision when it comes to defending me, which I do appreciate it, but Steve, you have to admit when I am in the wrong. What I did to Tony was incredibly fucked up, and Tony doesn’t have to talk to me if he doesn’t want to. So, if Tony doesn’t want to speak to me at the reunion then that’s fine and I’ll leave him alone. Will it hurt that he doesn’t want anything to do with me? Yeah, but I can deal and maybe finally move on. But if he _ does _ want to speak to me? Then great, we can talk things out. Maybe even start a new friendship if he wants. But the ball is in Tony’s court and that’s that, Steve.”

Sam gave him a proud look. 

“Okay, fine. You two are right,” Steve sighed. “But, you better give us all the details of what happened once the reunion is over,” he pointed to Bucky. “You hear that?”

Bucky laughed, “Yeah, I hear you. Okay, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you guys later.” He waved goodbye and ended the Skype call.

He sighed and rubbed a tired hand over his face. He pulled his wallet out and took out the creased up and slightly faded photo strip that he and Tony took at a photo booth back when they first started dating. He rubbed his thumb over the one photo of him and Tony kissing. “I hope you’ll talk to me Tony, I really hope you do.”

* * *

Natasha leaned against the door frame, arms crossed, as she watched her cousin, who was currently rummaging through his luggage—or more accurately tossing clothes left and right in her guest bedroom where James was currently staying at. “What are you doing?” Natasha asked. She frowned when James didn’t respond to her. “Uh, James?” 

“Hmmmm?” James said offhandedly as he picked a shirt up, placed it against his chest, and shook his head before tossing said shirt to the side. 

Natasha raised a brow before shaking her head and made her way into the room. She grabbed a pair of dark colored jeans, a navy blue button up, and brown blazer that were scattered on the floor and shoved them into James’s arms. “Here, wear this.” 

James titled his head in consideration, before grinning in thanks. “This is perfect!” 

The redhead plopped herself down the bed and looked at the mess. “Somebody’s nervous for tonight,” she teased. 

“Of cours—,”James started to say before he cut himself off when he noticed Natasha’s outfit. (She was wearing a flowy white top that was tucked into black skinny jeans with dusty rose heels.) “Where are you going?” 

“This?” she pointed to her clothes. “I’m coming with you tonight.”

“What? No, you’re not. You didn’t even graduate the same year as me. You graduated the year after,” he pointed out. “And I never put down that I was bringing a plus one.”

“Uh, yeah I am. As a matter of fact, I talked to Sharon and Jan and said that you were bringing me as your plus one but forgot to put it down.”

“Of course you did,” he muttered to himself, not surprised at Natasha’s actions. “Wait a minute.” James narrowed his eyes at her. “You just want to go because you want to see me act like an idiot if I run into Tony.”

“Oh, most definitely,” she smiled, unashamed. 

“You are the worst cousin, ever,” James said, as he took his clothes and headed to the guest bathroom to change. “And you’re driving!” he called out before shutting the bathroom door closed.

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Natasha mumbled. 

* * *

“Platypus, I don’t know what to wear!” Tony screeched as he turned to look at Rhodey. “Help me,” he whined as he face planted onto his bed.

Rhodey gave Tony an unimpressed look that held a bit of amusement. “I’m sure there’s something you have in there that you can wear,” ne nodded towards Tony’s closet. 

Tony turned his body around so he was now his back. He huffed and blew out a breath. “Yeah, I doubt that. I’ve combed through everything and nothing looks right!”

“You’re being overdramatic, Tones.”

“I am not!”

Rhodey raised a brow at him.

“Okay, fine… maybe I am.” Tony crossed his arms and gave Rhodey a pout. “It’s just… I wanna look good. I wanna show James what he missed out on.”

A chuckle escaped Rhodey’s mouth. “Trust me, I’m sure he knows.” 

And now it was Tony’s turn to raise a brow at him. 

“Nat tells me things, alright?” Rhodey explained. “Ya know, I can’t wait until I actually meet this guy.”

“You just want to meet him and intimidate him for what he did to me all those years ago.”

“Actually, no. Despite me being protective over you, I wasn’t even around when your breakup happened. So, I don’t really have a right to kick his ass, even if I want to. If anything, I should be the one getting intimidated. I am dating his cousin, after all.”

“Oh, please. James is terrified of upsetting Natasha. You’ll be fine,” Tony countered. “What do you think is going to happen tonight?”

“Well hopefully, you two dumbasses can act like the twenty-eight-year-olds that you are, and talk like actual adults, with minimal assistance from Jan, Sharon, and Nat.” 

“You really think we should talk?”

Rhodey nodded. “Yeah, you guys should.” He sighed at the hesitant look that Tony’s face was sporting. “Look, Tones. Clearly, there’s still some issues that you two have to work out. I truly do think that the two of you should sit down, maybe somewhere private where no one can butt in, and talk everything out so that the two of you can finally move on. Now, whether the two of you want to stay out of each other’s lives, be friends, or try dating again, is really up to the two of you.” 

Tony bit the bottom of his lip, pondering over Rhodey’s words. “You’re right, Honey Bear. It’s time to be an adult.” A long groan came out of Tony’s mouth. “Ugh, I hate it when you’re right.”

Rhodey grinned and nudged Tony off of the bed. “I don’t believe that for a second.” 

“Are you sure I can’t convince you to come as my plus one tonight? I’m sure Jan or Sharon could squeeze in an extra spot for you at my table.”

“Yeah, no. I want to avoid this teenage drama fest as much as possible,” he admitted. “And if even if I did want to go, and I don’t,” Rhodey quickly added in when he saw that hopeful look on Tony’s face, “I still couldn’t go because _ somebody _ didn’t want to do the paperwork so now _ I _ have to do it.” 

Tony sheepishly smiled at Rhodey. “I would say sorry, but you know how much I hate doing paperwork.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He patted Tony’s shoulder, “Now get up and go put on the outfit that Jan laid out for you to wear, but your oblivious ass didn’t spot.” 

* * *

Tony would say that he’s surprised at the venue location (some mansion that’s typically used for upscale weddings) but Jan and Sharon did plan it. He roamed around the venue, a name tag plastered proudly on the outfit Jan picked out for him. (A chambray shirt paired with a camel blazer with a white pocket square tucked in the pocket, white chinos for bottoms, and brown chelsea boots.)

He walked into the dinning area and scoured through the names, trying to find out where he was seated. Tony smiled when he noticed that Jan, Sharon, Helen Cho, Jane Foster, Thor Odinson, Bruce Banner, and Betty Ross were sitting at his table. _ Hmmm, okay. Should be a fun nerdy table then_, he thought as he shuffled over to table nine. He greeted his fellow table-mates hello and caught up with each of them. (He learned that Helen, Jane, and Thor were in a relationship, and that Bruce and Betty had just gotten engaged a couple of nights ago.) 

Eventually, after Jan had greeted everyone, she and Sharon had joined their table and they all fell into different conversations. Helen, Sharon, and Jane were talking about which dessert is the supreme dessert. Jan and Betty were trying to convince Bruce to let Jan give him a whole new wardrobe. And finally, Tony and Thor were in the middle of talking about what species of cat they would be when Tony felt a tap on his shoulder.

Tony turned around and froze at who stood before him.

* * *

“God, you are pathetic,” Natasha commented when she noticed James blatantly staring at Tony—who had no idea that he was being stared at—, a pained look on his face. 

Clint Barton, the 2009 Avenger Class Dumpster Fire, who was seated next to James, gazed over to where he was looking. Clint let out a snicker when he realized that James was staring at his ex-flame. “Ain’t that right,” he agreed before taking a bite from the pasta on his plate. “Why don’t you,” he took another bite, “go ‘off to ‘em?” his words muffled by the food, and a piece of pasta fell out of his mouth.

“Have some manners, babe. Please,” Phil chimed in and handed Clint a napkin. “But yes, I agree with Natasha and Clint, James. Just go and talk to the man. I’m tired of seeing your pining eyes.” 

“Who are we talking about?” T’Challa asked.

“James is staring longingly at our dear Anthony, and he refuses to get up and talk to him,” Loki Laufeyson, summarized. “Do keep up, darling,” Loki said and patted T’Challa on the thigh. 

“Why did you guys break up in the first place?” Darcy Lewis asked. 

“Yeah,” Maria Hill said as she jumped into the conversation. “I think I speak for everyone for being confused when we saw you start dating that Emma Frost girl.”

“It’s none of your business,” James snapped. 

“Oh, so defensive,” Maria noted. “Must have been a messy breakup. What, did you cheat on him?” she joked. Maria and the rest of the group suddenly turned serious when they saw Natasha tense and didn’t hear a denial of the accusation from James. “Oh my God, you totally did.” 

“I must say, this is a quite a shocker. I didn’t think that you would be the type of person to cheat,” Loki said. “No wonder Anthony always looked so heartbroken whenever T’Challa and I would drop our dog at his work and I would mention you in passing.”

“Okay, fine, yes. I did cheat on Tony. Did he deserve that? No. I fucked up big time and I realize that. Now, is it any of your business on the details or what’s going to happen now? No.” James stood up from his chair and readjusted his clothing. “Now if you excuse me. I have someone I need to talk to,” he said as he walked away from his table and towards Tony’s. 

James was about halfway to Tony when he finally realized that what he was doing. 

_ Oh_, he thought. _ Oh, fuck. I’m going to talk to Tony. _

He halted his steps. 

_ No, no I’m not. I can’t do this. _

James turned around and was about to head back to his table when he saw everyone at his table eyeing him. He gave them a deadpan look when they kept staring. James shook his head when they finally found the sense to look away. He felt a vibration in his pocket and pulled out his phone and saw that he had a text from Natasha. 

> ** **8:13 pm** ** **Go talk to him!!**

James looked up and his eyes met with Natasha. He saw her mouth, “_Go_,” and shooed him away. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

_ Okay. You can do this, Barnes. You can talk to Tony. _

Feeling a new sense of courage, James turned back around and headed straight to Tony. James tapped a finger on Tony’s shoulder and bit his lip.

* * *

“James?” Tony breathed. 

“Hi, Tony.”

“I, uh, hi.” Tony’s eyes scanned over James’s frame and decided that photos did not do him justice. He looked even better in person, especially with the outfit—which Tony was certain that Natasha had picked out—he was currently wearing. “You, um, you looked good,” he stuttered out. 

James scratched the back of his neck and gave him a hesitant smile. “Thanks. You, uh, do too, by the way… look good.” 

Sharon who, along with everyone else at their and James’s table, was watching the interaction rolled her eyes at the way the two were acting. “For fuck sakes, just get out of here and go talk.”

“Sharon!” Tony scolded as he turned his head to look at her. 

“What?” she shrugged. “I was getting tired of watching this awkward tension. Now, please, for the sake of everyone, go and talk already.” 

Tony turned back to look at James, who had his hands shoved into his pockets. “Do you wanna go outside?”

James nodded, “Yeah, that would be great.”

As James and Tony headed outside together, they could all feel eyes on them. 

“Seems everyone wants to know what’s happening between us. I bet you they’re all going to be gossiping about us once we leave this room,” Tony commented. 

“I don’t blame ‘em, doll. We do have a lot of history together.” James’s eyes widen when he realized what he called Tony. “Sorry, slip of the tongue.” 

Tony’s heart ached at the familiar nickname. “It’s fine,” he waved him off. (It totally wasn’t.) 

They slipped into an awkward silence as they step outside. 

“So, um, how have you been?” Tony asked the taller man, trying his best to get rid of the awkward tension that hung between them. 

“I’ve been good. Moved out to L.A., became a model, met my favorite comic book artist and he and his annoying boyfriend somehow became two of my best friends. How about you? What have you been up to all these years?”

“I’ve been okay. I started up my own doggy daycare now with one of my best friends, Rhodey— I met him at the park when he was still a dog walker, and I’m sure you’ve heard of him from Natasha, since they’re you know, dating and all. But I could be better, in the relationship department at least. Because I dunno if you heard from Nat, but apparently I’m not the greatest at picking people to be in relationships with.” Tony winced at his words. “I didn’t mean you.”

“No, no, it’s fine, Tony. Even you have to admit that I wasn’t the greatest boyfriend at the end.”

Tony didn’t dignify that with a response and just continued walking.

The two of them let the silence take them as they strolled along in the gardens. The awkwardness still lingering. It was clear that they both wanted to bring up the past, but either they didn’t know how to bring it up or they didn’t want to upset the other. 

Eventually though, Tony had enough of the awkwardness and decided to just be bold and jump right into what they both obviously wanted to talk about. 

“Okay, you know what? Screw this, let’s just get to the elephant in the room. Why did you come up to me, James?” Tony asked as he halted his steps to look at the man.

James let out a sigh, fidgeting with his fingers. “I just, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Why though? You had ten years; you had plenty of time to reach out and talk to me.”

At Tony’s response, James gave him a scoff. “But would you have answered me, though?” he countered, a hint of annoyance evident in his voice. “And if I remember correctly, you specifically said that you never wanted anything to do with me and to basically just leave you alone. So, I did. I never contacted you in these ten years. Did I wonder about you? Yeah, I did. But I never reached out to you because I felt that you deserved to have your space from me, especially after what I did to you. And as much as I wanted to go and talk to you, I never did.

“But I couldn’t leave the reunion tonight without at least _ trying _ to speak to you. Because if I didn’t, I knew that I would probably spend the rest of my life wondering what my life would be like if I just went up and talked to you, so here I am, Tony. This is me trying to speak to you again.” 

Tony swallowed and looked down. James was right and Tony knew it. He knew that if James had tried to reach out to him, Tony probably would’ve ignored his attempts. Tony would have been scared to open up that door and let James back into his life. In hindsight, Tony could’ve at least try to reach out to James too, but again, Tony was afraid. But Tony figured it was finally time to put that fear aside and try to let James back into his life.

“Tony?” James asked, hesitantly. 

Tony focused his attention back on his ex-lover. “Yeah?”

“Do… do you even want to talk to me right now?” 

Tony could see the underlying fear that James’s eyes held, and seeing that made Tony’s heart ache. “Yeah, yeah I do.” And just like that, the fear that James’s eyes had vanished and hope shined through. Tony spotted a bench down the pathway and motioned to it. “I feel like we should sit before we dive into anything else.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” James agreed and moved to the bench.

Once the two of them settled on the bench, James decided to be the brave one this round, and started talking. “Tony, I just want to let you know that I’m still so fucking sorry for cheating on you. You didn’t deserve that.” 

“Oh, James,” Tony gave him a wistful smile. “I forgave you a long time ago.”

“You did?”

Tony nodded. “I did. I mean, did it hurt knowing that you cheated on me? Yeah, I won’t deny that. It did, but what I realized is that you were also hurting yourself.”

“What?” James cocked his head, confusion etched onto his face. “What do you mean?”

“You were hurting yourself by staying in a relationship with me,” Tony started to explain. “You would have much rather stay with someone you didn’t love, instead of just breaking up with me… James, why didn’t you just talk it out with me back then? That you didn’t love me anymore? I would’ve understand.” 

James licked his lips, trying to find the right words that would explain his seventeen/eighteen-year-old brain and actions. “I was young and just thought it would be easier to keep you in my life by staying with you while having sex with someone else on the side. It was stupid and misguided, and I defintely should’ve talked to you instead of being a coward. And I will forever regret cheating on you, but I did what I did and I can’t go back and change the past.” 

Tony pursed his lips, nodding, as he contemplated James’s response. “I just wished that you would have talked to me. We probably could’ve saved each other a lot of heartbreak… and punches in the face and balls” he snickered. 

James groaned at the mention of punches. “God, they told you about that?”

“Hey, I just found out about it the other day… Well the punch that Jan gave you at least. Sharon’s I found out the day she did it via a text of string of photos from your lovely and scary cousin.”

“I forgot how hard Jan and Sharon can punch,” James mused. “Please remind me to _ never _ piss them off ever again.”

“Yeah, you trying to not piss Sharon off? Sounds impossible,” Tony joked. A memory quickly hit Tony at the mention of his cousin, “Hey, do you remember that one time when Sharon made a complete fool out of herself when she first noticed Jan?”

“Oh my God, yes!” James excitedly replied. 

And just like that, the conversation between the two flowed easily. The weight that they were holding on their shoulders for the past ten years lifted as they finally got the closure that they needed from their breakup.

* * *

An hour passed by as James and Tony recounted fond memories from their past. Their laughter was starting to die down as they let a comfortable silence overtake them. James glanced at Tony and gave him a smile, joy filling his soul at being able to just be in his presence once again. But James needed to know if this was going to be the last time they’d ever speak to each other. 

“So, where do we go from here?” James asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Is this the last time I’m ever going to see or speak to you? Or do you want to be friends again?”

“Do _you_ want to be friends again?”

“I won’t lie to you, Tony. I do want to be more than friends, but I know that we probably should get to know each other again before we even try to be in a relationship again. It has been ten years after all, we’re different people now. But if you don’t want to be friends or be in a relationship with me, then that’s okay. I’ll leave you alone after tonight. And if that’s the case, then I just want you to know that I’m happy that I got to see and talk to you again.”

After James finished speaking, Tony contemplated his choices, debating with himself if he should let James back into his life. Once he made up his mind, Tony let James stew in anticipation a few more moments before he stuck his hand out. “Hi, I’m Tony Stark.”

James gave him a teary smile. “Hi, Tony. I’m James Barnes,” he said as he took Tony’s hand and shook it.


End file.
